Today is our 34th Wedding Anniversary
Jacqui and I met in 1983.
We got engaged in 1984 (she asked me on Valentine’s Day)
There’s a line in ‘Three Man & a Baby’ or ‘Three Men & a Little Lady’ (both of which J loved) which is “Fish or cut bait”. Basically “do it or stop it”. In 1986 that was where we were and I said it.
Get wed or stop pretending.
We booked the church for the first available date. It was about five weeks away.
27 September 1986
Some people said J was pregnant – nope
Some gave our relationship six months – we had a longer relationship than all who said that did in their own lives.
The wedding cost around £1000 which we paid for ourselves (about 2.5 months joint wages).
That covered buying J’s dress, the cake, hiring my suit, the reception, fees for whatever.
The car from church to reception was a favour from a friend of J’s mum.
The photographer was a friend of mine who I gave the camera to on the day (he was not expecting it).
There was no – and never was later – a honeymoon.
On the Friday we were living together in the flat and by Sunday night we were married living in the same situation.
34 years ago
And here I am but Jacqui is not.
This is our second wedding anniversary since she died.
We never made a big deal of the date, but we always said “Love you”
We even said it without words.
We meant that every year.
We said that every day to each other, especially in the last few years.
I wish she was around so I could say it again to her.
I can’t yet watch the videos of her and the girls when they were little – because I was filming. And until I do I’ll not remember her voice.
I was with Jacqui from when I was 18 to 54. My adult life. She helped me more than I can describe, and more than I want to reveal, to get through this world. Losing her isn’t just losing her, it is so much more than that but all wrapped up in it being her.
I was going to link many music videos that meant much to me, to J, to me about her and from her about me. Too revealing even if you will not realise.
When Jacqui died, part of me did too.
The tagline on this blog:
“I’d tell you but I don’t trust you.”
What it should read is
“I’d tell you but you don’t love me.”
Jacqui loved me.
I loved her.