VICE have published this month’s Horoscopes. I think horoscopes are junk and would not normally read but circumstances gifted me the time to do so. I thought I would commentate on my immediate future.
Welcome to Scorpio season, dear Gemini! The sun is illuminating the sector of your chart that rules your daily routines and rituals, and you’re focused on everything from health and wellness to your day job. Scorpio might be the sign of transformation, but it’s also the sign of control, and you’re examining how to get a handle on the many projects on your to-do list.
I have no projects. My to-do list is currently empty.
The end of Mercury retrograde means we can finally move forward in conversations that have been brewing over the last few weeks, but don’t expect this change to take place overnight! New gigs are coming your way and you will cross items off your to-do list soon, but patience is required. You’re thinking back to September 23 as Mercury clashes with Saturn early, struggling with similar delays in communication or heavy mental atmosphere.
Thinking of September? ‘heavy mental atmosphere’? What?
Venus in Libra has been wonderful for your love life!
Yeah, someone in horoscope-land hasn’t been paying attention.
Your crushes are keeping up with your flirtatious banter, which is honestly not easy since you’re one of the quickest and wittiest signs.
No-one is crushing on me.
I’m not flirtatious
‘quickest and wittiest’? Okay, I’ll take that one.
This has also been an especially creative time for you. Venus opposes Mars retrograde on November 9, bringing an exciting climax to a situation that’s been brewing in your love life or creative projects. You’re confronting something head-on, and some interesting compromises may be reached.
There’s the love life thing again. There is no love life and it’s extraordinarily unlikely there ever will be.
The sun connects with mystical Neptune in Pisces on November 10, bringing a whimsical, imaginative energy, which is especially exciting for your career—you’re really wooing the crowd.
Career. I’ve had two. There will not be a third.
you can finally show off all the things you’ve been dedicated to, and make it look especially sparkly! Mercury enters Scorpio on November 10, helping you organize your to-do list. News about gigs may come your way, so make sure to check your mailboxes!
That gigs thing again. Does Deliveroo beckon me?
Oh, and I don’t do sparkly.
Jupiter meets Pluto in Capricorn for the third and final time this year on November 12: Think back to April 4 and June 30 as similar breakthroughs are taking place. This is the beginning of a new journey for you, especially concerning shared resources, investments, debts, taxes, and inheritances.
So someone is going to die. Thanks for that.
You’re able to find influential and rich people right now—and hopefully they’re paying you as you settle the score!
And who exactly might they be? Do tell.
Mars ends its retrograde in Aries on November 13, activating the sector of your chart that rules your social life. Disagreements in your friend circle may be hashed out, or you may decide to leave some groups behind.
I left twitter, facebook and discord ages ago.
And it’s covid-times, so there is no social life.
The sun mingles with Pluto and Jupiter on November 14, making this a powerful moment for people to invest in you. It’s is an amazing time for transformation as you create balance in a situation that’s been awry. You’re considering the emotional and practical impact of people’s actions and addressing how things can be improved.
I’m considering nothing of the sort.
The new moon in Scorpio lands on November 15, and you may be beginning a new project or creating a new schedule. This is a fresh start, and you’re feeling inspired to start a new, healthy habit and focus on physical wellness.
If you saw my shopping list and what I do every day …. nope.
this new moon also finds Venus squaring off with Pluto, which could add a tinge of jealousy and obsession to the energy.
Jealousy is a wasted emotion.
I don’t do jealousy.
Control issues may come up at this time, and manipulative or shady behavior is not OK, so bring in an unbiased third party to help when it’s needed. People want what you have, and unfortunately, some seem to have forgotten how much you love to share—you’re usually willing if someone asks considerately!
Good luck to anyone trying to manipulate me.
There may be tension in your love life about how serious or intimate you can be with someone. It’s time to transcend B.S. as things get blown out of proportion and you deal with the aftermath. Venus also clashes with Jupiter on November 16, so watch out for over-indulgence, especially over-spending and overworking yourself!
It’s that love life thing again…..
Overwork? Have we met?
Unexpected news arrives as Mercury opposes Uranus in Taurus on November 17, finding you thinking back to October 7 and 19, and bringing an unexpected shake-up to your schedule. You have a lot on your mind as it is, and this gets your thoughts racing once again.
October was boring. I do not have a lot on my mind.
Take extra care of your nervous system at this time. The sun and Venus align with Saturn on November 19, creating a solid energy for communication, and urging us to get clear on our values. Awkward issues are addressed and problems solved, but fears of rejection are also in the air. Your maturity is tested, as is your ability to be honest about what you want, especially since making requests can feel so vulnerable. This isn’t the coziest day to cuddle up with a lover, but it’s a fine time to focus on making plans and accomplishing goals.
Good grief, can we give up with the ‘love’ thing? NOT HAPPENING
Awkward issues? Nope.
Fears of rejection? From where?
Venus enters Scorpio and Sagittarius season begins on November 21! Venus in Scorpio inspires you to update your wardrobe, especially since you’ll be running into cuties as you run errands.
I’m buying my F**K BORIS tee well before Nov 21.
cuties’? W T F
Mercury is all about gathering information and as it connects with Pluto on November 27, access to hidden materials becomes available. Again, this is great for your career
No career, okay?
You are excited to take an unconventional path toward getting what you desire, and there is a nervous sexual tension in the air.
Do I start camming?
The mood is optimistic and open-minded, and people are making exciting investments in you because you’ve inspired so much faith in your work.
Ah, yeah, must be camming.
A lunar eclipse in Gemini arrives on November 30, marking an important moment in your life. You’re gaining a deeper understanding of your purpose, and with that, many things need to change. This is a make-or-break period for your relationships; a highly emotional period when unexpected information is likely to surface. There’s a fated feeling to eclipses, like what takes place during them is meant to be. They mark major transitions in our lives, and nothing is the same after an eclipse. Mercury also connects with Saturn on November 30, encouraging a supportive atmosphere as you work through complicated issues.
It’s all bollocks.