Looking forward

This quote feels quite real for me:

“We have these big myths of addiction and sobriety, that getting clean is always a brand new start, that it’s all it takes. Sometimes all it does it let you have clear-eyed view of how badly you fucked everything up and how there’s nowhere else to go.” (Source)

I would change slightly

“We have these big myths of addiction and sobriety, that getting clean is always a brand new start, that it’s all it takes. Sometimes all it does it let you have clear-eyed view of how life actually is and that there’s nowhere else to go.”

That makes it very real.

Pain-free migraines

Some time last year I got a daith piercing. (This is not my ear, it’s just so you can see the placement)
Not my ear

Two reasons for getting it:

1 – because why not

2 – this piercing is anecdotally linked to a reduction in migraines.

I was diagnosed with chronic daily migraines some years ago. As with most continuous pain you get used to a certain level but it was tedious. Got the daith and the pain went away. It really did stop.

I had an odd sensation at the point in my head where the migraines always started but it did not hurt. Cost of the piercing was a good investment.

Recently though they are back, but they do not hurt. I get all the other problems, just no pain. So I feel sick, my vision is affected, I feel foggy in my head, sort of dizzy, can’t eat, just want to lie down and stay still because I feel better doing so. These all persist for as long as a migraine would – that’s all day. They usually arrive in the night and disappear the next night (unless food kicks one off). The not hurting is really odd though.

My diet has not changed to cause this. My liquid and caffeine intake has not varied that much. Nothing I can think of has changed, yet effectively the migraines are back. If I cannot identify why they are back and deal with that then I have to assume that my all too brief pain and sensation break from migraines is over.

I have tried a triptan (no success), tried seabands (nausea goes but nothing else), tried meditation (no success).

Odd and unwelcome.

On Mental Health

“As if you can just section me, I say. You can’t just say someone is sectioned and then they are sectioned. That is not how it works.”

It is.
As an Registered Nurse (RNMH, long since the PC RNLD) I had cause to section a guy. I read the form I had to, he laughed, kicked out a window and went to the city general hospital to fake a heart attack to get care. In my 17 years as a nurse he was and remains the one patient I hate, loathe and despise.

Richard? I fucking hate you.

“When I am well, I sometimes think I will be fine for life, and want to abandon all my medication. And when I am not well, I think maybe I really am just a fuck-up, and should not be dealt with sympathetically. “

Yes. Me.
I’m open about my depression, but my actual diagnosis? No. A few select people I absolutely trust know. Work does not. Will not. It wouldn’t change anything positively if they did know, so why reveal?

Some days, sometimes several together, are very hard. It’s the way it is, has to be, I can’t change it. Not nice.

Having a mental illness is not simple.

It can be really really hard.

Read the full article.

Stabby stabby

I was diagnosed with Chronic Daily Migraines a few years ago following x-ray and MRI scans. I’m sure that anyone who experiences constant pain will tell you that they get used to it. The different ways the pain represents becomes a norm and you just get on with life. Options are none anyway.

Last week I had a migraine that was much higher on the scale. If I am used to a 5/10 then this was an 8. I couldn’t work. All I could do was stay as still as possible on the sofa downstairs and help J when she needed it. The next day was very rough too – want to know how rough the next day can be? Read This – but during that day things changed.

Imagine that as a throbbing headache. And now imagine it as each of those little globes are stabby little knives.

It really hurts.

Triptans don’t stop it. Regular painkillers don’t stop it. And it’s been a .. feature .. since that migraine. That’s a week so far of constant intermittent stabby pain during the day and during the night.

Not good.

Sick of being sick

Every single day for over 2 weeks now it's the same.
My eyes sting, I ache all over all day, I get really hot and then shiver, sense of taste is gone, head feels blocked, sneezing+++.  It's the same from when I wake to when I sleep.

I am so fucking tired.

This too shall pass but hell I wish it would pass a bit quicker.

Frustrating Healthcare in Leics

It’s been just over a week since my wife was discharged from hospital.

Number of times a Physiotherapist has contacted us or called round: None
Number of times an Occupational Therapist has done the same: None
Same for the Multiple Sclerosis Nurses: None
District Nurses: Twice (but only because I refused to do her daily injection until they did proper Pressure area care)
Pain Management? No.
Social Services? Nope, none of them either
Any other NHS professionals? No

We do get 2 carers who call in 3 times a day for personal care. They are great. This care is ‘free’ for 6 weeks (from some arbitrary point we have been unable to determine – fall? or the discharge) after which we have to pay.

J’s left leg is the broken one. It’s always been hardest hit by the MS. The MS Nurse should know this so why has she not told the physio to concentrate on the right leg? No idea.
Why has the OT not visited to assess the home environment?
Why is my wife still struggling with pain?
What is the point of Social Services?
What really is the point of a Multiple Sclerosis Nurse? (Answer? NONE)

It is hugely frustrating here right now. As far as the NHS is concerned a target was hit – a ‘broken hip’ was discharged home within the allotted time frame. And now no-one in the NHS gives a flying fuck about anything.

And there is so little we can do. We have to accept whatever we are given.

Right now the ‘free care’ will disappear and then what? We have absolutely no idea at all.

Can someone please kill Jeremy Hunt and David Cameron? That might get some motivation going – assassinations should make a comeback. (Yes, that is an incitement to violence. Sue me).

Forced starvation is cruel

Debbie Purdy, who won a landmark ruling to clarify the law on assisted suicide, has died at the age of 51. Guardian.
That she had to starve herself her death because the law and our so called ‘civilised’ society is so wrong, so very very wrong.

“It’s not a matter of wanting to end my life, it’s a matter of not wanting my life to be this.”

Assisted suicide should be legislated for.

No MS care in Leicestershire

My complaint to University Hospitals of Leicester NHS Trust resulted in an MS Nurse visiting us last week.

Here is how I imagined MS Nursing would work:
The MS Nurse would be the central point of contact. They would have deep knowledge of the person’s diagnosis and current condition. They would be the person to contact other services – GP, Physiotherapy, Occupational Therapy, Social Services, District Nurses to name a few – and would furnish those services with not just a request for help but the ‘why’ along with other relevant information. The MS Nurse would be there to provide Support for the person with MS and to identify Support needs and refer as needed for other family members.

This is how MS Nursing in Leicester actually works:
“Let us know what happens”.
That’s it.
They cannot refer people. The political ‘why’ of that doesn’t matter. Well it does but for practical purposes it does not.
So it makes the MS Nurse role pointless.

Am I thinking the MS Nurse should do too much? No. I base what I think on my own nursing career (1985-2002) and my wife’s (1986-2003). What we expected is what really should be delivered but no, not happening.

The MS Nurse offered no practical help at all. Why? I really have no idea. Their next visit? November 2015.

Me? I have written off the MS Nurses totally.

There is no care for people with Multiple Sclerosis in Leicester / Leicestershire.

Smooth

Lifehacker – no link as the site is garbage – has a post about the best shaving cream. That stuff is junk. Useless. A way to sting your pocket. Just use normal hair conditioner. It works just as well, is a ton cheaper and arrives in a variety of flavours (so to speak). Seriously – dump the shaving cream/gel/oil/gunk and just buy hair conditioner.

Homeopathy is bunk

The US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has recalled homeopathic remedies made by a company called Terra-Medica because they may contain actual medicine.

Wired

Homeopathy is junk. Garbage. Complete bollocks.
And if you think otherwise? Oh you sad thing…. and you are allowed to breed….