Eating alone

Widows on the Pain of Dining Alone

I’ve not made a proper cooked meal since Jacqui died.
The oven has been used maybe 4 times for a frozen pizza
The rest of the double range machine has not been used
The air fryer once for home made falafel
The slow cooker, maybe once a week I’ll chop some onions, mushrooms, throw in a tin of beans and make it warm.

The dining table is dismantled.

Tesco keeps a list for you of what you have bought online over the last year so in 5 or so weeks all the food I used to buy for Jacqui will drop away.

I loved cooking, cooking for the family. When the kids were at home we always ate at 6pm watching The Simpsons, or Hollyoaks. I loved cooking food that Jacqui wanted. Now though there’s no point. I don’t do takeaways, I don’t order food at the pub. I live on hummus, coleslaw and tortilla wraps. Maybe rice cakes. Easy, no fuss, little prep or washing up.

In many ways it is easier for me as life transitioned slowly from 4 to 3 to 2 and I knew she would go. It must be so much harder when it comes out of the blue. The effect is the same though – what was a pleasure, what was a good time of day turns into an empty experience every single day.

When I die

Jacqui used to all the money stuff but she has not been able to for a few years now. Everything is now locked behind passwords that are in my control. And that’s a problem.

If I get hit by a bus (unlikely as they stopped bus services to this little village, but you know what I mean) then all the accounts are locked away from my daughters who would have to step in and help.

So I’ve written out a text file and printed it off. It’s sitting over to my left in the printer. It has the following passwords detailed:

2 Phone banking apps
Windows PC

I think that covers it….

The dog ate a bovine trachea

Finally, finally, we have a new care package in place for Jacqui which starts tomorrow. Better times than the previous one, more flexible than the previous one and they do provide specialist Multiple Sclerosis nursing care. So that’s all good.

I updated to macOS Sierra last night and today my wifi has randomly dropped the connection at least a dozen times. That’s the last time I update an Apple OS on the initial release. In contrast my Windows 10 PC has been perfect.

Have an image:


and yes, bovine tracheas are a dog treat thing. Koda loves them.

Back home.

At 5:30pm on 5 January my wife had a fall. It took way too long for a paramedic to arrive and longer still for an ambulance. It then took far too long waiting in A&E for the ambulance guys to hand over to the nursing staff and for stuff to start happening. I got home at about 5:30am the next day after she had been admitted to ward 18 at the LRI.
The standard of care on ward 18 varied from good to “What the hell?”. (To nurses of old – like me – I found it astonishing that the nurse in charge was the Named/Primary Nurse for every patient. And that drugs are now given out by one nurse, not two. And that so many general nurses had no idea what Multiple Sclerosis was) Anyway…

She came home last night. We have a hospital bed, hoist and other stuff downstairs now. 3 2-carer visits a day to help. The District Nurse has been, we are expecting a Physiotherapist and probably an Occupational Therapist. Minimum of 4 weeks of this and then we see what happens.

Would be better but for my coming down with the worst cold I’ve had in years 2 days ago. That’ll pass though and I’m off for 2 weeks as of Saturday (I checked and it’ll be my second proper break since 2010).

Not been fun here.