Nightscapes

Three consecutive nights of horrendously bizarre and upsetting nightmares. All different in content, in endings, in everything except the fact that loss and confusion are the prime factors.

In the one last night I woke from the nightmare but I didn’t actually wake up. I woke up in the nightmare, tried to move, could not, tried to open my eyes, could not, tried to speak, could not. And then the next instant I’m back in the nightmare albeit slightly moved in location.

The location? It was a city made of food. Biscuits, sweets. Well weird. And it was collapsing. (That’s to be expected I know in the cold light of day but hey, it was there in the dream). And another part was cold icy islands, very small ones. With tiny people, tiny creatures. (Like bears that were tiny, not creatures you’d normally expect to be tiny).
And the city was crumbling and everyone tried to get away and in the crowd I saw Jacqui. I got to her, hugged her and then the crowd was swept away to the right and I couldn’t hold on. And I woke up crying. Only I was not actually awake again.
Then those of us left had to get to .. somewhere .. fast and I couldn’t. That restarted a few times as I tried and tried and failed.

Another night I was in a prison and was told I could leave. But I couldn’t find the person to authorise it, then I did, then the papers were lost from my hand, then they came back, then I got out and I couldn’t go to where I wanted.

I have felt mentally shot and physically ill all day, and it’s these dreams. I don’t want to sleep.

Is this grief? Covid? Something else? No clue.

I could take the medication, but that zonks me for 12 hours and that’s no good for the dogs who expect to go out earlier than 11am.
I could alcohol my way through but no, that’s a bad route.
So I’m stuck. I have no idea what to do. I have no answers.

2 thoughts on “Nightscapes

    1. They go to my eldest Friday, come back Sunday each week. And I really needed them to go at another time she would be happy to say yes.

      Thursday I barely slept, got through Friday with the help of chemicals (as I am doing today) and took half the prescribed dose of the med I have – last night I slept properly. It was lovely.

      I suppose I just have to wait for them to stop, or look more closely at possible triggers as I did for migraines,

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