Bad dreams continue

I posted a while back about bad dreams. They continue and are increasing. I’ve had three in the past week. There’s no pattern as in evening routine, eating, drinking, they just happen. And they are getting worse.
Before they featured people but their faces were indistinct, they had no names. Each of the last three not only have some faces but also some names of people I last worked with in the 90’s.

They are vivid, they all involve loss, confusion, being asked to do something which I cannot complete and not knowing what to do.

I wish I knew how to address them. I wish I could make them stop, but as I said before this has to be everything to do with losing Jacqui. Regardless of lockdown I cannot get any form of counselling or psychological support on the NHS. Grief helplines are permanently busy. I could pay a counsellor but I don’t believe in the business model.

Is lockdown contributing? No idea.
I am content to wait out a long period post-lockdown. I’m lucky in that I don’t have to place myself in any potential harm’s way and I do think the possibility of a second wave is real. So I suppose I just have to get used to this for now.

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