Standing to attention

I’ve been insulted many many times both in the jobs I have done and in the wonderful world of the internet. Once you’ve played your part in a usenet flame thread all seems relatively calm. And it was until today.

A blog was very legitimately shut. I did it and I’d do it again. Reasons why don’t matter but there was no doubt here. This happened a month ago at least and today I get a random email. It is by an insanely long way the single most vicious thing I have ever been sent. And I do mean ever. One line is fairly impressive:

“I hope there’s a hell, and I hope you fucking rot in it, Mark. I hope this more than …a million gold-plated blowjobs”

I am sort of impressed that I can summon such emotion in someone. Being an atheist the thought of ‘hell’ means absolutely zilch. But it’s the gold-plated blowjobs that have me thinking. Does he mean that they will be excellent blowjobs? Or is it that he wants some gold-toothed US rap star to head south on him? Because otherwise he means gold-plating it? Weird turn-ons some people have. He must have poured a years worth of bile and venom into that text he sent and yet he picked on that peculiar phrase. Inner feelings will out..
A million. That’s impressive too. Live to 70 and that’s just over 25000 days. So you’d need 40 a day? Two problems there: 1. Not even the horniest teenager at the peak of his sexual drive could hit 40 shots a day. No way at all. 2. Jaw ache.

So this guy wants more shiny sex that he can handle. What was that guy in Austin Powers? Goldmember?

I think this is the first time I’ve quoted part of an email here and it’ll probably be the last. It takes a lot these days to get to me but this one did. I had to read it several times to dissect it until it read as the ranting of a deranged individual. Depersonalised it. I hope I don’t get another though. One last thing: David? Have a nice day!

2 thoughts on “Standing to attention

  1. In this case, it is possible to realize two things: the first is the enormous patience necessary for you to do your job.
    The second is the fact that humanity has a portion of individuals with a really twisted mind, which is somewhat frightening.

    “We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give.” – Sir Winston Churchill

    So he should get the hell without the blowjobs, anyway.
    “May the Force be with you!”

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