I said I was tired

and I still am but I’m more awake than when I said it earlier. More being relative. Thing is, I can’t go to bed early because then J will try to do stuff – the “It won’t beat me” attitude which is a good thing most of the time, but not when she is being hit as hard she is right now – and her limit is not far off just standing. But she feels guilty when I do the stuff that needs doing, so she feels bad and because she feels bad she makes me feel bad even though I don’t feel bad about it at all but her feeling bad is the worst because it makes her feel that she should do more – which she shouldn’t. So I stayed up til she went bed and I’ve done all the other stuff that needed doing but she hasn’t seen me do it. She’ll know it’s me of course when she gets up in the morning and she’ll thank me – I do wish she’d stop doing that – but I don’t know if that will make her more determined to do stuff or not. Thing is, the day she stops fighting – and she has said that she is getting very tired of things – things will change in some way. And we don’t know if this is a relapse or reality from now. Evil thing is MS. But the house is clean and tidy – until the girls get up in the morning. And that’s the way it should be 🙂

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