I read, and have read, a lot about Depression. I’ve read medical texts, I’ve read nursing accounts (as well as writing them while a nurse) and I’ve read several books by people who have had / still have depression, from Prozac Nation through to Malignant Sadness and many more. I’m reading another one now, and as when I read Prozac Nation, this one thought kept hitting me: How do they remember so much ?
I lost days to depression, days and days. In fact I still cannot recall very much of the whole of 1991-1992, yet these people remember so much, so much detail, their feelings, thoughts, ideations, times, places, people, events. I knew nothing at all. Why ?
How can they look back and recall all that stuff ? Should what they have written be more accurately classified into the ‘fiction’ category ? Are they rewriting what happened to fit some sort of script by which they explain their journey through the darkness and numbness ? I can understand their need and desire to write things down at the end, and I don’t think this is motivated by any sort of monetary reward, but coming from a depression where I know nothing of what I do (or did) or events around me, I can’t comprehend how in charge of their faculties they must have been if they either made notes or have that power of recall.
A couple of years ago, I had a private blog, and I would write there. There’s a quote in The Stand that is something like “A thought isn’t complete until it has been verbalised”, and that’s how I think, work things through but even though I would write a lot one day, the following day it would mean very little to me.At the moment of writing, it was important, but later all the context had gone – it became almost meaningless and for me to have attached meanings at a guess would have renedered the entry false.
That’s why I don’t really understand these books …..