Hypocrites

BBC News : Fears for ‘baby in bottle’ girl
In the last hour, I’ve seen about 9 blogs ripping into this poor girl, and what they all seem to boil down to is this – she shouldn’t have had sex.

She’s 14, and she has had sex. SHE hasn’t committed a crime.
No-one but her knows the circumstances that lead up to the sexual act, so why presume so much ?
No-one will know how good a mother she may or may not have become – and do not presume to think that you can possibly know the answer.
No-one knows what support networks she had around her.
No-one commenting in these blogs knows her family or circumstances.

Of course if you have never broken any rule, broken any law, contravened any rules or regulations, then maybe, just maybe, you could begin to think about criticising this girl’s actions. But then I doubt anyone reading this falls into that group do they ?

D. is 14 next month, and she has friends around, we see her out with her mates. If you aren’t of a similar age, how can you appreciate the effects that society has on someone of that age with regard to their sexuality, their sense of being, the peer pressures they are under. Our daughter talks to us about many things, including the fact that some of her friends are having sex. Have I banned her from seeing boys ? Have I vowed to ‘slice and dice’ any boy that touches her ? Or have we taken the sensible route of talking to her, and in the final analysis said that if you must do it, do it safely ? How do you know this girl didn’t take precautions and it genuinely was not an accident. I can see you scoffing at that idea already.

That girl, if everything had proceeded normally, would have had to live with the result of her actions, and raised a child. It is very very sad that at such a young age she has had to experience a grief which many women never have to cope with. To have miscarried alone would have been bad enough, would have been a trauma that she would have had to carry with her for life. But chucked into the mix is the actions of a completely insensitive and moronic member of staff at that hospital. What do event do you think will haunt her the most out of the 3 – getting pregnant, having a miscarriage, or being given her foetus in a jar and being told to take it home and put it in the fridge ?

When you read that story, what you need to bear in mind is that the girl in the story is the victim. She is the victim of having a miscarriage. She is the victim of the crass callousness of a member of staff. The fact she was pregnant doesn’t matter – it was a done deal. Would you have said “Well she was too young / not married” had the girl been 18 ? 21 ? 34 ? No, I don’t think you would.

Young people will always get into trouble, of their own making or not.
It’s our job to help them out, not condemn them further.

7 thoughts on “Hypocrites

  1. :sad:
    All the same, just as you are entitled to your opinion, I am entitled to mine. I did not condemn the girl. I condemned the man who had sex with a 14 year old girl. I didn’t suggest she should be condemned, or that she would not be traumatised by the horrible events. I did not suggest that she would not be a good mother.

    I didn’t go into great amounts of detail about my opinion on the subject, just made a brief mention. I did not “Rip into” the girl. I said she was “too young” to be having sex. Would I have said that if she was 16, 18, 24? NO, because then she would NOT be too young to be having sex (legally).

    You in this situation would support your daughter, as my father would support his daughters.
    You, from what you seem to say, would not “slice and dice” a bloke responsible for getting your daughter pregnant.
    My dad would slice, dice, crush, squash and squeeze any bloke who had sex with me at age 14.
    We’re all different, we all deal with things in different ways.

  2. And I didn’t link to any blog that I had read which discussed this story. If I had linked to one, I would have had to link to many, and I couldn’t be bothered to run back through my history.

    I don’t think you did rip into the subject at all, and your and Claire’s views are fine but I kept reading more and more stuff which just got me really annoyed, so I vented.

    I was absolutely not getting at you. I’d seen that story the day it was published and nearly posted about it but got distracted. It just popped up on 2 sites I use which grab popular links -this story being linked – so I followed.

    I always express strong opinions about children … it’s an issue I feel very strongly about, that’s all.

  3. They were probably in shock.
    Apparantly it was only when the dad arrived home that they complained to the hospital. Probably a typical dad response. “They gave you WHAT??” Followed by several angry phonecalls.
    Sometimes it takes an extra person to point out what seems (from the outside) to be obvious.

  4. Well what else would you do with it though? They might have been given it, then felt like they couldn’t just throw it away, since it was the beginnings of a human being… Maybe they kept it in order to dispose of it ‘properly’ – maybe have a funeral or something. Wouldn’t seem right to chuck it in the rubbish bin on the way out of the hospital….

  5. bri – They shouldn’t have had to put it in the fridge at all, they were told to put it there and bring it back for tests. They shouldn’t have even had it in the first place.
    It’s not procedure to give it to the family to take home in a jar. The hospital usually keep it and give the family time to decide if they want them to dispose of it, or have a cremation/burial.

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