Category Archives: Family Life

Green needles have arrived.

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The (real) tree is up, the sparkly lights lit (one set don’t work so they go back to Tesco tomorrow), Home Alone has had it’s first of many viewings, Santa Clause 1 2 and 3 have been seen, xmas music has been played, Noddy Holder’s Top whatever was on The Hits. P sat watching a video on there saying “Who is he? never heard of him. I know him he’s SO young. Look at her hair. Look at HIS hair! This is terrible music. What ARE they wearing..” It was the Band Aid vid from 198x. Makes me feel older when my youngest daughter says things like that. But she makes excellent mince pies and cookies so she is forgiven.
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Dogs should be big.

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A friend of D’s asked if she could look after his dogs while he is away for a night. She said Yes. They arrived yesterday (and thankfully are going today). They epitomise everything I dislike about dogs.
They are constantly pleased to see me, their tails never stop wagging, they seem to want to be under my feet, they scamper around, they sit and look all forlorn at me. I had to come downstairs in the early hours and as I opened the door to the lounge they were both sat there wagging their tails so hard they were actually wobbling. It’s that ‘Dogs worship you while cats expect you to worship them’ thing. Annoys me intensely.
The reason why Winston is cool is that first he’s huge. If you are going to have a dog, have a dog. He does none of this fawning rubbish. Get back after being out and he’ll say hello and that’s about it. Play Hide and Seek while out and he’ll be momentarily pleased then he’ll charge off. He doesn’t scamper – though at at least 13/14st that would be tricky – and he doesn’t fawn and look forlorn. Sure he’s got that droopy look but that’s because his skin is too heavy for his face (“No J, he is not sad, he is not asking, he doesn’t look hard done to – it’s just how he always looks so no he can’t have it – he’s a dog” “Yes, I am harsh :) “). But Winston isn’t a wuss. He’s a great big dog and 99% of the time he acts like one. The two little wretches from the friend’s house (who our cat isn’t fazed by at all and who is bigger than one of them) are just so…pointless.

Back to Tesco – once

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Early evening last night I realised that Metroid 3 for the Wii was out. And I had forgotten (see, I get so wrapped up in work!) and I said to J that tomorrow I would be going town to buy it. I then tuned back into work mode.
Some years ago I read a book called “Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps‘. This really is an amazing book. So much so that if you see it, buy it. Just get it. I promise you will not feel the money is wasted. It has saved so many arguments and given us (this includes my daughters) so much insight into how we (Man/Woman) operate that the book is gold. One such thing explained is called “The butter is in the fridge”. I will ask where something is and I’ll be told (for instance) it’s in the fridge. I’ll look and say it’s not there. I’ll be told that yes, it is and I should look properly. Again I look and yet again I state categorically that the item is not, repeat not, in the fridge. As this point one of the ladies in the house will open the fridge in front of me and take out the item – which could well have been on the front of a shelf. This used to irritate them hugely. “Are you blind or what” (No) “Why don’t you look properly?” (I did!) “You just wanted to annoy me by making me get up and come this way to get it for you didn’t you” (No, I really don’t need the grief) and this book explains that this is typical Man behaviour. It’s not my fault. It’s The Way It Is.
Now J used to come in from work and would then rabbit on and on and on about her day, who did what, when they did it, what someone didn’t do, what was said to who about who etc etc. Used to drive me nuts – every day this happened and I never did this. Work was work, it happened elsewhere and stayed elsewhere. In the end when she walked in, I tuned out. Later she could say “Remember I told you..” to which I would have to reply “Yes of course my dear!….” though she eventually realised I was not listening and that irritated her. Another thing that still drives me nuts is ‘Woman Speak”. Example: Man is out and he damages the car. He enters the house and says “I damaged the car, bloody idiots on the road, if I could catch him, it’ll cost me a packet”. This succinctly conveys that the car is damaged, it was not his fault, he is angry at the other person and he didn’t want to have to spend the money. Now, here is the Woman version: She enters the house, “You’ll never guess what happened. I’d just come out of the shop and – did I say I met so-and-so in there? haven’t seen her for ages. Well she’s dumped the guy she was with and she’s hooked up with that guy you used to play football with – why don’t you play any more? You really should you know – anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I wish you would out the mirror back as I like it in the car after you have used it. I got to the car ……” and sometime later she mentions that the car hit something. When J did this it used to really drive me crackers. Inside of me there would be a little person screaming “Get to the point dammit!!”. But because of that book I know understand that this is a Woman thing and She Cannot Help It. So I take deep breaths. I tried saying “Yes yes but what’s the end of this? What’s the point” Where is the result?” to which she would say “No, you won’t understand, you need to know all this”. Like hell I did.
Back to the droning on she used to do when she came back from work. The book mentioned trigger words that would cause the Man to stop ignoring and immediately tune in. Like when in a room someone whispers your name. We worked out that I had at least one trigger word – sex. If J said that I was all ears. This was very effective. No matter how tuned in to the task I was, the mention of that word get her attention. It was that effective that the girls would use that word when I seemed to be ignoring them – which I wasn’t, it was a tuning thing. Metroid. So I’d said to J that I’d be going town and I was soon back reading, replying and fixing. At some point while talking to P (who has just had her hair straightened and she looks fab) J said “Tesco”. I have no idea why but that word tuned me back in. I leant back to look around the corner and said that it was open 24 hours and that we should go there right now because they sell Wii games. This was about 10pm. I then tuned back into work again thinking my words would be useless. But P then said she needed some “hair stuff” and J wanted some Jelly babies. So off we went.
Tesco is a sane place at 11:15pm. Hardly anyone around, no rushing, no distractions, security are too busy watching some drunk lads coming into buy beer and I could actually go in straight lines between the parts of the store I needed. Very nice. Last year we started shopping in the very late/early hours because of this. Saves so much hassle. So I bought Metroid, P got hair bobbles and bread to take to feed the ducks today and J got her Jelly babies.

(I have News 24 streaming on the PC. Has anyone noticed they are using a sample of Bejewelled music in the summaries?)

Go buy that book. And I will hope that Tesco has not replaced sex in my life.

Unspoken

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Want anything from the shop?
No thanks
[goes to shop... returns]
Where’s my chocolate?

I don’t usually miss these “I know I didn’t say it but you’d better not forget” moments….. and I should have a ‘womanspeak’ category.

Social Workers. Still useless.

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Social Workers. Pointless

The Facebook default for an image is just so appropriate.

(and do I care that I’m using a blanket term? No. Why? Well if they won’t put their own house in order they can all live in it together. Do I care if no-one else joins? No – it’s still somewhere for me to vent. And do I care if they hold it against me? I didn’t get to this point of view without reason did I?)

A Social Worker question.

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Is there a point to social workers? Do they ever do anything when they aren’t off the sick? Do they actually agree to take tasks instead of directing them to others? Do they possess spines? Do they ever agree to get anything done by any time? Are we better off without them? Has one ever done anything good? If so did the others ostracise them because a precedent could be set? Why don’t people slap into reality those that want to train to “help people” and choose the most slovenly career? Is managing social workers akin to managing sleeping people? How do they justify whatever they are paid because whatever it is it will be too much.

Social workers are a complete waste of time, energy and oxygen.

—–

Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back alley. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood.

“Help me, I’ve been mugged and viciously beaten.” he pleaded.

The two social workers turned and walked away.

One remarked to her colleague, “You know the person that did this really needs help.”

—–

There isn’t a facebook group “Social workers are f*cking useless”.
Maybe I should create it.

We went shopping.

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It cost just shy of £500, it’s got bright yellow metalwork and it’s just enabled me and J to shop together for the first time in over a year. I don’t think I can possibly convey how good that felt. Even going round the women’s clothes section multiple times didn’t bug me.
Sitting in there and being pushed was a major event for J. Really was a big one. The environment was okay – not too busy, known – and we were both in the right mood. It has the big wheels with rims so she can manouvre a bit but her grip is poor and her arm strength isn’t so great – but it does mean she doesn’t feel entirely helpless.

It was as good a time as could be hoped for given the circumstances.

Quiet on a Saturday night.

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Late saturday night and it’s just me and J. Both girls are put – one overnight, one to a late party. It’s very odd being an offspring-free zone of an evening.

D is currently not the postman’s best friend. She’s requested a few dozen University Prospectuses (Prospectii?) which she pores over as each pile drop through the letterbox. She’s decided that she wants to experience the whole student thing so Leicester is off the menu. But she wants somewhere within fairly easy driving range – no doubt for the ‘Daaaaaaaaaad’ when she needs money and also for laundry / rations. Which seems reasonable. And next month she turns 17. The driving course is booked and paid for. She has managed to save (for once) and has her eyes on a yellow Ka (and we are going to be sure we are around for the tax, the insurance, the petrol, the repairs… we have told her to find a guy who knows cars.) So my little girl will be driving in a couple of months and is starting her last year of living at home. Time has flown, it really has.

Buying wheels

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Today we went to look at wheelchairs. We have an electric scooter but it weighs heaps and you can’t totally trust batteries. We seem to have found a decent model. J wants it in yellow so when they have it in the shop we’ll hand over something like £375 for it – that’s nearly the cost of a PS3!