J – now has to use 2 sticks to get about according to the physio so she stops looking like she’ll fold into two. Not good. The positive approach has faded, the glass is very much half empty. There have been a number of small events which have all been negative. Not just with J but with the house, the bank etc. On their own they are of no consequence. Added together they stack up. What continues to amaze me is this: Consultant says she is in secondary progressive MS, so he stops the Interferon because that’s only for relapsing-remitting. Within 2 weeks of stopping the injections the MS symptoms are very much worse. They are getting worse. There is a clear cause/effect – stop inteferon – get worse. But will the Consultant make that connection? Will he help? Will he do any-damn-thing? No. And the MS Nurse? Is there a point? Is there a reason for J to see light at the end of the tunnel? No, not really.

P – lots of tears Monday as she was being bullied. 3 days at home. Visit to the school yesterday and a camera to take pics of little thugs has hopefully sorted that for now.

D – had her cheeks pierced Wednesday. I didn’t say yes, J did – partly because of J’s attitude to life and partly because she thought my stance had softened. It hadn’t. I was extremely everything but mainly just very very disappointed. The number of times I have said No to her in her 16 years and meant it I could probably count on the fingers of one hand. And she did it anyway. So I was deeply disappointed and upset, she was upset because I was disappointed. Whatever. I’ve asked her to take really good care so they scar as little as possible and that when they are healed we buy some jewellery that looks more pretty. Right now – with her labrets – it looks like she lost a fight with a nailgun. I lost my pretty little girl. I didn’t think it would be like this though. I can prepare for the leaving home stuff because that is what happens. But having said No and then seeing it …I’m surprised how upsetting I’m finding it. Anyway, what’s done is done. She’s still my daughter and like with P I love them to bits.

And me? I’m okay :)