Fading away

As we headed to bed last night I went one way and J wanted to go the other. For a moment we were facing each other. As strange as it may seem, it’s not often that we are directly opposite each other. And at that moment I realised that my wife is quite literally fading away. She is smaller, thinner, frail-looking. The MS and it’s effects are making her less. It’s not weight loss, it’s that she is actually smaller. It was like one of those moments where you look out on the garden and it dawns on you that it really does need working on. Or when you get in the car and realise just how messy it really is. Nothing has changed – it was like that the day before – but it’s that moment of… clarity? To you she might just look okay but obviously disabled in some way, but to me, with photos to see and memories of years ago the difference I saw last night was marked. If either of us put on weight I used to joke that it was okay because there was more to love. It’s not so funny this way round.

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