I’ve cleaned the machine of that infection. Combination of following advice in other posts on the spyware forums and my own clutzing about with various things. But a full cleanup, reg clean/compact and defrag later and it’s purring nicely here.
European GP .. gets right in the way of the gym session at my normal time.
Okay ….. remember a few days ago I mention that D spends far too much time chatting to this lad called Gary who – I was pleased to note at the time – lives 270 miles away ? Turns out that he’s popping back to Leicester for a day or two. His uncle has business in Derby (another city north of here) but uncle has said he will drop Gary off in Leicester and pick him up on the way back. The next day. So Gary needs somewhere to stay. D comes downstairs last night and tells me of this. I ask her what she is asking me, whether she wants him to stay over (have I mentioned Gary is 17 ? D is 14). She wants to see him. She knows that unless he has somewhere to stay, he probably will not come down. She wants to meet this guy she chats to every night. So yes, of course she wants me to say he can stay here. But …… this is my little girl …. and a guy I have not set eyes on let alone ever met.
I said to D that I could just say “No” but that I’d be doing so for absolutely no good reason. I’d be doing that to have no problem, because I could, because it was the easy thing to do. I told her I didn’t want to say that word. Equally though, just saying “Yea, sure” would be daft – I have not met him, he is 17 and she is not over 16 (this made her blush and she protested that nothing would happen) and maybe he would want to do things she would not, that she might just say yes for reasons that seemed right at that moment but she would regret very quickly, that he would be bigger and able to force himself on her. I said that I could tell him to sleep downstairs or that D sleep in her sister’s room while Gary had her room but that wouldn’t work because they’d creep around to be with each other (I did that !) so that’s no option. One option would be say that he if stayed elsewhere she could see him there, but then I’m actually doing 2 things: putting her into another place where she may not feel as safe, and doing the “out of sight out of mind” thing. So that’s not on. I can hardly say that I’ll vet him and decide on the day / evening due to distance so I need to make the decision and then stick to it. D is sitting across from me as we discuss this and I know that she’ll respect what we decide – I saw ‘we’ because she’d agree, probably reluctantly so maybe I ought to say “what I dictate” but I’m uncomfortable with that. This is a real decision and she has to be party to risks and emotions involved. Risks ? maybe I’m overdramatising it …. nope, my little girl. RISKS. Anyway..
I want her to be safe. I want her to feel safe. Right now I’m not hugely bothered about how Gary will feel – harsh maybe but my priorities are in one direction only. So D being safe means she stays here and that means that he does too. So yes, he can come down and stop – I’ve just realised I don’t know exactly when – for a night. (Mental note: find all the pointy steel jewellery for me to wear) but that still leaves my daughter and this guy alone in a room. I can’t be in there playing guardian angel but I can do better than that – I can put a few in there. D can invite some friends over for the night. That way she feels safe and comfortable, they act as both friends and chaperones and he gets to see a few more girls than maybe he was bargaining for. I can’t wrap my girls in cotton wool and protect them from guys forever, but I think I’m close to getting this one right. I hope I am…