mySQL (and rambling)

Wanted to add 2 features here, but I just cannot get myAdminphp or the mySQL command line to do what they are meant to – probably because I’m doing it wrong. I know that may sound clever or geeky to a degree, but all I was doing was following, word by word, what someone else had written. I guess it comes down to the different flavours of these things. No big deal, but it would have been nice to learn something else.

Still undecided about Bristol.

Font changed here. May have looked good on your machine, but it looked a bit ragged here, so out goes LSU, and in comes Tahoma.

And have I mentioned that on Tue or Wed, the small ring in the back of my left hand is being removed ? Can’t do it on my own – I need 2 extra hands – so at the studio it will be happening. And to make the most of the opportunity, an 8mm ring will be put into it’s place. At least that’s the plan. If not the 8mm ring, then a 6mm maybe. Should be fun! There should be a lot of pictures too, and possibly some video of the procedure. None of this will be publically viewable, or submitted to any sites, or even on their site (the ‘Blood’ gallery is yet to be set up – guess I could put the framework in later today though) but I will have some sort of page here and make the address known to some, not all. Brian seems also to have a supplier of custom Ti, and this supplier is very experienced in supplying to the bodmod scene. So maybe, just maybe, I can be a guinea pig for some later work :) :)

That last entry of mine .. yes, it is vague, and yes, the person concerned will have not a single fucking clue that it is directed at them. Not a one.
I don’t know if it’s my nurse training, my life experience or something else, but I do believe a huge amount that what we do, and how we act, should be done in a predominantly unconditional way. If someone asks for help, you give it. You don’t stop to add conditions, you don’t think “What’s in it for me”, you don’t think “How can this act if I do it make me look better, or would not doing this make me look better instead”. You just don’t do that. You help.
This is particularly important for friends. A friend being someone you like, you respect, you have time for. A friend is not someone who you control, or seek to control, or seek to get some sort of ‘kick’ or ‘kudos’ out of by helping or hindering them. A friend is someone who may make a judgement, and you may think that judgement is wrong, but YOU have no right to harshly question them to the point of upsetting them, you have no right to seek to impose your values upon them, you have no right to act in such a way that the person you consider a friend begins to wonder why they should be around you.
Something on UPB stated at least twice this last few months that what he said was not an insult, or a personal attack, but that it was just a conversation. That’s wrong. Very wrong. If I say something to someone, then no matter how I meant to have said it, or how it came out, if the person I said it to felt upset, then I have a duty to apologise. It is not for me to decide whether or not someone is upset. It is for them. It is not for me to impose what I may have thought onto what I think someone else must think.
It’s a bit like pain. If someone says they hurt, you have to believe them. You can’t see many physical hurts, but you believe them. Why less concern over mental hurts ?
And a friend, a good friend, will check for such mental hurts before maybe questioning. A good friend will be supportive. A good friend will treat you as an equal. A good friend will act in a way that they would want others to act for them. And a good friend will STFU about it all too, and not go yabbering away to all and sundry about their good deeds and how they saved someone’s world this morning blah blah blah.
Honesty. I worked with many people in nursing who would “say it like they saw it”, they wouldn’t beat around the bush, they just let their gob loose. Now their excuse was that it was better to say things like they were, that it ‘was the way they were’, that if they didn’t say it to your face, they wouldn’t say it at all. Know the sort ? And without exception, every single one of them was an insufferable bastard (or bitch – usually a bitch come to think of it) who was two-faced, and expected double standards.
Honesty has it’s place – if in fact it is honesty – but discretion and tact at times have much higher priorities. Much higher. What some people need to remember is when you criticise someone, anyone, you must, if you value the person and want them to keep valuing you, only ever criticse their behaviour. You do not attack them as a person. Bearing in mind that when a friend needs help their ego, their self-esteem, their sense of self-worth is usually pretty low, the last thing they need is for someone who they think of as being a friend to wander in and start making them feel worse. To do that is just shitty. And to try and have any sort of excuse for that is even more shitty because it demonstrates that you have no empathy within you, that you expect to command and control, that you expect things to happen your way. Sometimes looking out for a friend means not being truthful (“Does my bum look big in this ?” says the woman in your life. Did YOU tell the truth ?) but acting in a way that looks after your friend.
Not a lot to ask is it ?

Yea, I know it’s still vague, but I got carried away.
(And this is NOT about me. Sure, these are my values, but the events that have precipitated this rambling are not to do with me, my actions, or the actions of others onto me).

3 thoughts on “mySQL (and rambling)

  1. not at all vague….at least i and probly a few others will know that its not them you meant and one or two will be thinking of things they have said and maybe reconsidering the effect of their words. Whether or not they are the person you mean that can only be a good thing.

    not sure if its what you want to hear but confronting the person with what they said and how it made you feel could be a very good thing for you. I saw that this week between Catriona and her brother…she was very upset…he didn’t realise what he’d done…she emailed him and now the air is cleared and she is much happier. He may now think a bit more carefully before he makes big decisions that affect other people. feel free to email me about this if you want

  2. I find that whilst confrontation may clear the air, it requires both parties to be of a conciliatory nature. I’ve been having great difficulties with one of my friends, but clearly the way he wants to move forward is to sweep everything under a carpet and forget about it. Sadly these are not sweepable things. I have lost a friend.
    People can change, and I’m never going to say that they can’t, but they have to seriously want to. Most people I know either already are in the right frame of mind, or simply never will be.
    I’ll be off to spend time with the former…

  3. I agree with what you said about the people you worked with who “said it like they saw it”. There’s a big difference between being honest, and being thoughtless and hurtful, and many people would do well to recognise that difference. Many people say “I’m just honest” when what they mean is “I’m an insensitive, thoughtless cunt.”

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