So, it’s a year since I had a drink.
Do I miss it ? No, not at all. I hardly ever think about it, the thought of drinking does not appeal in the remotest, I look at drunk people now and wonder what they hell they think they are doing and I generally find drunk people annoying (evangelical ? me ??).
I have not said I will never drink again either. Saying you will never do anything again, no matter what it is, is setting yourself up to fail. All I said that sunday morning was along the lines of “I wonder if I can get to midday and not have a drink … and then 12:30, then 1pm, then 2pm, then 3pm”. That’s how it was the first couple of days, and even the first few weeks. Now, I don’t count. Sure, I’ve counted to a year, and yes, there is a counter on the right, but hey, it’s a php function call I can use, so why not use it :)
The simple fact was that I was drinking too much. Far too much. Imagine a lot, and then add some on. I drank from 1979 to 2003. 14 years. And in that time, if you use the govt’s rules (which are flawed given the evidence base for them, but it’s a figure I’ll use anyway), I easily drank more than 56 years worth of alcohol. Easily. It’s probably higher than that. And my liver ? It’s 100% fine thanks – my GP was amazed.
I didn’t have any ill-effects from stopping, but it took me a long time of thinking to get to the stage where I decided to stop (the only pressure to stop was from within), and it was also after talking to someone else about it. It may have seemed inconsequential to her at the time, but there are 2 parts to an addiction – the mental and the physical. I had to get mentally right (irony irony irony) first, and she helped me get there. Once the mental part is done, the physical part was quite easy. I had in some ways begun to wean myself off the drink by the time that sunday arrived, and this was a conscious effort, but an effort that I kept to myself. Telling other’s around me would have doomed my plan to failure. I rang an advice line a few times – months and months prior to this date – and I was told that under no circumstances should I suddenly stop as it would kill me. See, said I drank a lot.
There’s been alcohol in the house everyday since, and J and the girls will have wine with certain meals, others I meet will drink, but me ? No thanks – been there. done that, got soaked, am now dry.
A couple of weeks ago I was having ‘one of those days’. You know the sort of thing – everything pisses you off, things don’t go right, people get in your way – and I thought “I need a drink”, but almost as quickly, part of my head said “Why ? It’ll still be crap around here”. And it would have been.
If I ever want a drink, I’ll have one.
But I don’t want a drink right now.
And that suits me fine.
~ Normal inane postings will now continue. I apologise for the interruption~